What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 22.06.2025 04:26
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
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When she asked me how she looked .
My life is so biszare .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Has anyone tried bestiality and been caught?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
So whats the point in blame.
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Who then, do I blame.?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Atheists who have read the Bible and think that contains immoral things, why do you assume that?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Why is Donald Trump criticized by so many people?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I have no regrets .
She was in good health!
But, we were locked up after school.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Why do women change that much more with age?
One cannot live in the past .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
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She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
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She wouldn,t have been !
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Especially a lifetime of it.
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Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I said to her
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
As i do to all so called friends.?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I couldn’t, believe it.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My family never makes their pension either.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He was dying to do it , i knew.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I don,t even have a pension.
I never cut or harmed myself..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was seconnd youngest,
I think the readers, may guess!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
What did i know ?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I was 9 years of age.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Why did i forgive my father ?
All the time i was locked up.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Would this be the day?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
This is soul school!.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He knew the spot.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She found it foreign!.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I was very sick at this time too.
Put me off passion for life!!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But it wasn’t much.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I write beautiful poetry .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
We were not on the streets..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Ive learnt so much.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I will be 64.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
It was going to be , some day.
And i lived it daily.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Im still living with it.
We all went to grammer schools
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She married twice! .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I waited trembling.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
So, i spoilt her more .
Comes on , in middle age.
I was scared of men, in general
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He resisted the act ,that day.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She loved him until the end.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.